Difference between revisions of "Alendi's logbook"

Jump to navigation Jump to search
m (→‎Known Text: fixed typos and stuff)
What proof do we have? The words of men long dead, only now deemed divinatory? Even if we accept the prophecies, only tenuous interpretation links them to me. Is my defense of the Summer Hill really the "Burden by which the Hero shall be dubbed"? My several marriages could give me a "Bloodless bond to the world's kings," if you look at it the right way. There are dozens of similar phrases that could refer to events in my life. But, then again, they could all just be coincidences.
<br />
The philosophers assure me that this is the time, that the signs have been met. But I still wonder if they have the wrong man. So many people depend on me. They say I will hold the future of the entire world on my arms. What would they think if they knew that their champion -— the Hero of Ages, their savior -— doubted himself?
<br />
Perhaps they wouldn't be shocked at all. In a way, this is what worries me most. Maybe, in their hearts, they wonder -— just as I do. When they see me, do they see a liar?
<br />
Rashek seems to think so. I know that I shouldn't let a simple packman perturb me. However, he is from Terris, where the prophecies originated. If anyone could spot a fraud, would it not be he?
<br />
Nevertheless, I continue my trek, going where the scribbled auguries proclaim that I will meet my destiny- — walking, feeling Rashek's eyes on my back. Jealous. Mocking. Hating.
<br />
In the end, I worry that my arrogance shall destroy us all.
They hint, however, that I will have the power to destroy it as well.
<br />
We arrived in Terris earlier this week, and, I have to say, I find the countryside beautiful. The great mountains to the north -— with their bald snowcaps and forested mantles -— stand like the watchful gods over this land of green fertility. My own lands to the south are mostly flat; I think that they might look less dreary if there were a few mountains to vary the terrain.
<br />
The people are mostly herdsmen -— though timber harvesters and farmers are not uncommon. It is a pastoral land, certainly. It seems odd that a place so remarkably agrarian could have produced the prophecies and theologies upon which the entire world now relies.
<br />
Apparently, the next stage of my quest will take us up into the highlands of Terris. This is said to be a cold, unforgiving place -— a land where the mountains themselves are made of ice.
<br />
Our normal attendants will not do for such a trip. We should probably hire some Terris packmen to carry our gear.
I never wanted this, true. But somebody has to stop the Deepness. And, apparently, Terris is the only place this can be done.
<br />
On this fact, however, I don't have to take the word of the philosophers. I can feel our goal now, can sense it, though the others cannot. It . . . pulses, in my mind, far off in the mountains.
<br />
Rashek is a tall man -— of course, most of the Terrismen are tall. He is young to receive so much respect from the other packmen. heHe has charisma, and the women of court would probably describe him as handsome, in a rugged sort of way.
<br />
Yet, it amazes me that anyone would give heed to a man who speaks such hatred. heHe has never seen Khlennium, yet he curses the city. He does not know me, yet I can already see the anger and hostility in his eyes.
<br />
"He shall defend their ways, yet shall violate them. He will be their savior, yet they shall call him heretic. His name shall be Discord, yet they shall love him for it."
<br />
It amazes me how many nations have united behind our purpose. thereThere are still dissenters, of course -— and some kingdoms, regrettably, have fallen to wars that I could not stop.
<br />
Still, this general unity is glorious, even humbling, to contemplate. I wish that the nations of mankind hadn't required such a dire threat to make them see the value of peace and cooperation.
<br />
It seems Rashek represents a growing faction in Terris culture. A large number of the youths think that their unusual powers should be used for more than just fieldwork, husbandry, and stonecarving. They are rowdy, even violent -— far different from the quiet, discerning Terris philosophers and holy men that I have known.
<br />
They will have to be watched carefully, there Terrismen. They could be very dangerous, if given the opportunity and the motivation.
<br />
What would it be like if every nation -— from the isles in the South to the Terris hills in the North -— were united under a single government? What wonders could be achieved, what progress could be made, if mankind were to permanently set aside its squabblings and join together?
<br />
It is too much, I suppose, to even hope for. A single, unified empire of man? It could never happen.
Either way, I sometimes see shadows following me. Dark creatures that I don't understand, not wish to understand. Are they, perhaps, some figment of my overtaxed mind?
<br />
I don't know why Kwaan betrayed me. Even still, this event haunts my thoughts. He was the one who discovered me; he was the Terris philosopher who first called me the Hero of Ages. It seems ironically surreal that now -— after his long struggle to convince his colleagues -— he is the only major Terris holy man to preach against my reign.
<br />
Many think that my journey started in Khlennium, that great city of wonder. They forget that I was no king when my quest began. Far from it.
<br />
I think it would do men well to remember that this task was not begun by emperors, priests, prophets, or generals. It didn't start in Khlennium or Kordel, not did it come from the great nations to the east or or the fiery empire of the West.
<br />
It began in a small, unimportant town whose name would mean nothing to you. It began with a youth, the son of a blacksmith, who was unremarkable in every way -— except, perhaps, in his ability to get into trouble.
<br />
It began with me.
Perhaps someone else would have come to carry this terrible burden. Someone who could bear it far better than I. Someone who deserved to be a hero.
<br />
You could say that circumstances forced me to leave my home behind -— certainly, if I had stayed, I would now be dead. During those days -— running without knowing why, carrying a burden I didn't understand -— I assumed that I would lose myself in Khlennium and seek a life of indistinction.
<br />
I am slowly coming to understand that anonymity, like so many other things, has already been lost to me forever.
<br />
Kwaan and I met by happenstance -— though, I suppose, he would use the word "providence."
<br />
I have met many other Terris philosophers since that day. They are, every one, men of great wisdom and ponderous sagaciousness. menMen with nan almost palpable importance.
<br />
Not so Kwaan. In a way, he is as unlikely a prophet as I am a hero. He never had an air of ceremonious wisdom -— nor was he even a religious scholar. When we first met, he was studying one of his ridiculous interests in the great Khlenni library -— I believe he was trying to determine whether or not trees could think.
<br />
That he should be the one who finally discovered the great Hero of Terris prophecy is a matter that would cause me to laugh, had events turned out just a little differently.
It isn't a shadow.
<br />
This dark thing that follows me, the thing that only I can see -— It isn't really a shadow. It's blackish and translucent, but it doesn't have a shadowlike solid outline. It's insubstantial -— wispy and formless. Like it's made out of a dark fog.
<br />
Or mist, perhaps.
Is this truly the end of the world, as many of the philosophers predict?
<br />
I sleep but a few hours each night. We must press forward, traveling as much as we can each day -— but when I finally lie down, I find sleep elusive. The same thoughts that trouble me during the day are only compounded by the stillness of night.
<br />
And, above all, I hear the thumping sounds from above, the pulsings from the mountains. Drawing me closer with each beat.
<br />
In the end, I must trust in myself. I have seen men who have beaten from themselves the ability to recognize truth and goodness, and I do not think I am one of them. I can still see the tears in a younhgyoung child's eyes and feel pain at his suffering.
<br />
If I ever lose this, then I will know that I've passed beyond hope of redemption.
I am growing so very tired.
<br />
I think I've finally discovered why Rashek resents me so very much. He does not believe that an outsider such as myself -— a foreigner -— could possibly be the Hero of Ages. He believes that I have somehow tricked the philosophers, that I wear the piercings of the Hero unjustly.
<br />
According to Rashek, only a Terrisman of pure blood should have been chosen as the Hero. Oddly, I find myself even more determined because of his hatred. I must prove to him that I can perform this task.
Sometimes, my companions claim that I worry and question too much. However, while I may wonder about my stature as the hero, there is one thing that I have never questioned: the ultimate good of our quest.
<br />
The Deepness must be destroyed. I have seen it, and I have felt it. thisThis name we give it is too weak a word, I think. Yes, it is deep and unfathomable, but it is also terrible. Many do not realize that it is sentient, but I have sensed its mind, such that it is, the few times I have confronted it directly.
<br />
It is a thing of destruction, madness, and corruption. It would destroy this world not out of spite or out of animosity, but simply because that is what it does.
The others all think I should have had Kwaan executed for betraying me. To tell the truth, I'd probably kill him this moment if I knew where he'd gone. At the time, however, I just couldn't do it.
<br />
The man had become like a father to me. toTo this day, I don't know why he suddenly decided that I wasn't the Hero. Why did he turn against me, denouncing me to the entire Conclave of Worldbringers?
<br />
Would he rather that the Deepness win? Surely, even if I'm not the right one -— as Kwaan now claims -— my presence at the Well of Ascension couldn't possibly worse than what will happen if the Deepness continues to destroy the land.
<br />
Most of the Terrismen are not as bad as Rashek. However, I can see that they believe him, to an extent. theseThese are simple men, not philosophers or scholars, andtheyand they don't understand that their own prophecies say the heroHero of Ages will be an outsider. They only see what Rashek points out -— that they are an ostensibly superior people, and should be "dominant" rather than subservient.
<br />
Before such passion and hatred, even good men can be deceived.
<br />
Other men worry whether or not they will be remembered. I have no such fears; even disregarding the Terris prophecies, I have brought such chaos, conflict, and hopetohope to this world that there is little chance that I will be forgotten.
<br />
I worry about what they will say of me. Historians can make what they wish of the past. In a thousand year' time, will I be remembered as the man who protected mankind from a powerful evil? Or, will I be remembered as a tyrant who arrogantly tried to make himself a legend?
<br />
Though many Terrismen express a resentment of Khlennium, there is also envy. I have heard the packmen speak in wonder of the Khlenni cathedrals, with their amazing stained-glass windows and broad halls. They also seem very fond of our fashion -— back in the cities, I saw that many young Terrismen had traded in their furs and skins for well-tailored gentlemen's suits.
<br />
We are close now. Oddly, this high in the mountains, we seem to finally be free from the oppressive touch of the Deepness. It has been quite a while since I knew what that was like.
<br />
The lake that Fedik discovered is below us now -— I can see it from the ledge. itIt looks even more eerie from up here, with its glassy -— almost metallic -— sheen. I almost wish I had let him take a sample of its waters.
<br />
Perhaps his interest was what angered the mist creature that follows us. Perhaps . . . that was why it decided to attack him, stabbing him with its invisible knife.
<br />
Strangely, the attack comforted me. At least I know that since another has seen it. That means I'm not mad.
Tomorrow it will end.
<br />
Oddly, on occasion, I sense a peacefulness within. You would think that after all I have seen -— after all that I have suffered -— my soul would be a twisted jumble of stress, confusion, and melancholy. Often, it's just that.
<br />
But then, there is the peace.
I feel it sometimes, as I do now, staring out over the frozen cliffs and glass mountains in the still of the morning, watching a sunrise that is so majestic that I know that none shall ever be its match.
<br />
If there are prophecies, if there is a Hero of Ages, then my mind whispers that there must be something directing my path. Something is watching; something cares. ThereThese peaceful whispers tell me a truth I wish very much to believe.
<br />
If I fail, another shall come to finish my work.
Retrieved from "https://coppermind.net/wiki/Alendi%27s_logbook"