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  • finish hoids insults
  • Elizandra's mother
  • pigs from Shadows for silence

IDK how to make a new page but here is my Elsecaller Magnum Opus:

Hoid's insults[edit]

Stormlight Archive[edit]

In the Stormlight Archive, Hoid is the King's Wit of Alethkar.

He was a sword, a tool maintained by the king. Insulting others was beneath the dignity of the king, so just as one used gloves when forced to handle something vile, the king retained a Wit so he didn’t have to debase himself to the level of rudeness or offensiveness

— Description of the King's Wit[1]


Insult section[edit]

"Ah, young Prince Adolin!” Wit exclaimed. “You actually managed to pry yourself away from the camp’s young women long enough to join this hunt? I’m impressed.”

Hoid greeting Adolin[1]

“Have I told you about the night Prince Renarin and I had two days back, walking the streets of the warcamp? We came across these two sisters, you see, blue eyed and—”

“That’s a lie!” Renarin said, blushing.

“Very well,” Wit said without missing a beat, “I’ll confess there were actually three sisters, but Prince Renarin quite unfairly ended up with two of them, and I didn’t wish to diminish my reputation by—”

Hoid teasing Renarin in front of Adolin and Dalinar[1]

I said that is quite enough, Sadeas,” Elhokar said. “Quite enough, you say?” a new voice added. “I believe that a single word from Sadeas is ‘quite enough’ for anyone.”

Hoid mocking Sadeas[2]

“And yet, you were still Witless,”

Hoid noted on his absence to Elhokar[3]

“Brightlord Sadeas,” Wit said, taking a sip of wine. “I’m terribly sorry to see you here.”

Hoid greeting Sadeas [3]

I should think,” Sadeas said dryly, “that you would be happy to see me. I seem always to provide you with such entertainment.”

“That is unfortunately true,” Wit said. “Unfortunately?”

“Yes. You see, Sadeas, you make it too easy. An uneducated, half-brained serving boy with a hangover could make mock of you. I am left with no need to exert myself, and your very nature makes mockery of my mockery. And so it is that through sheer stupidity you make me look incompetent.”

Hoid on Sadeas' intellect[2]

“Expense?” Wit cut in. “Sadeas, I don’t believe you’ve ever paid me a sphere. Though no, please, don’t offer. I can’t take your money, as I know how many others you must pay to get what you wish of them.”

Sadeas flushed, but kept his temper. “A whore joke, Wit? Is that the best you can manage?” Wit shrugged. “I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts.”

“And yet you failed,” Wit said, sighing. “For you said ‘I think’ and I can imagine nothing so ridiculous as the concept of you thinking.

“Yes, I suppose that will satisfy me. Very clever. If Brightlord Sadeas should lose control of himself and finally kill me, perhaps you can be King’s Wit in my stead. You seem to have the mind for it.”

“I disagree,” Wit said. “The king’s favor may be torment enough for most men, but not him.”

“Brightness Marakal! What a disaster that hairstyle is; how brave of you to show it to the world. Brightlord Marakal, I wish you’d warned us you were going to attend; I’d have forgone supper. I do so hate being sick after a full meal.

Hoid taunting Brightlord and Brightness Marakal[4]

“Brightlord Cadilar! How good it is to see you. Your face reminds me of someone dear to me.”

“Really?” wizened Cadilar said, hesitating.

“Yes,” Wit said, waving him on, “my horse.“

Hoid taunting Brightlord Cadilar[4]

Ah, Brightlord Neteb, you smell unique today—did you attack a wet whitespine, or did one just sneeze on you?

Hoid taunting Brightlord Neteb[4]

“Ah, my dear Brightlord Taselin. Still engaged in your experiment to prove a maximum threshold of human idiocy? Good for you! Very empirical of you.”

Hoid taunting Brightlord Taselin[4]

Lady Alami! No, please, don't speak--it's much easier to maintain my illusions regarding your intelligence that way

Hoid taunting Lady Alami[4]

Dalinar said, “do you have to?” “Two what, Dalinar?” Wit said, eyes twinkling. “Eyes, hands, or spheres? I’d lend you one of the first, but—by definition—a man can only have one I, and if it is given away, who would be Wit then? I’d lend you one of the second, but I fear my simple hands have been digging in the muck far too often to suit one such as you. And if I gave you one of my spheres, what would I spend the remaining one on? I’m quite attached to both of my spheres, you see.” He hesitated. “Or, well, you can’t see. Would you like to?” He stood up off his chair and reached for his belt.

Hoid taunting Dalinar[4]

Mistborn Secret History[edit]

Says the man who built a revolution upon the backs of the dead. At least I only need one corpse

Hoid in response to Kelsier[5]