The List

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The List
Author Kazan Smedry
World Earth (Alcatraz)
Featured In Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

The List is a list of reasons why short people are better off than tall people according to Kazan Smedry. It is not clear if Kaz is serious about The List, but he takes every opportunity to recite from it. Australia Smedry finds The List ridiculous, as does Bastille.[1] Kazan says that the facts on The List are scientifically researched and time-tested.[2]

Known items on The List[edit]

1. Don't argue with the short person. He's always right.[1]

15. Short people make smaller targets.[3]

28. Short people can find things easier and follow trails better because they are closer to the ground.[2]

47. Tall people's heads are in thinner atmosphere, causing oxygen deprivation, which causes their brains to not work as well as short people's.[2]

56.5. Short people know when to stay on the ground (and avoid scary extreme heights).[4]

63. If everyone were short, ceilings could be lower, thereby lowering building costs.[5]

82. When short people plummet to their doom, they don't fall as far.[6]

127. Short people have smaller bodies, but regular-sized hearts, so their heart-to-flesh ratio is larger, making them more compassionate.[7]

236. Short people are more humble.[1]

257. A tall person can shield you from dragon breath.[8]

Unknown number. Short people are better because it takes them longer to walk places, therefore they get more exercise.[1]


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